


The Early Morning Light

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Early Mornings, Fluff, Gen, Love Confessions, Please Don't Cry, Shyness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-19 22:30:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3626679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It started with three things: Dan, Phil, and the early morning light.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Early Morning Light

It started with three things: Dan, Phil, and the morning light.

When Dan's alarm went off he simply padded to Phil's room and curled, sleepy-eyed, into the crook of Phil's body. Phil had laughed softly. "Desperate for body warmth, Dan?" he asked, the humour evident in his voice. "Something like that," Dan yawned, nuzzling into Phil's pillow. He could feel his warmth against his shoulders, his morning-smudged black hair on the nape of his neck. Curling up again, he fell asleep.

Phil's eyes clouded over as soon as Dan turned away. He squeezed them tight shut, wondering. No and yes and no and so many answers and god, Phil, be quiet, be quiet-

Phil blinked and ran a hand through Dan's hair absentmindedly, noticing all the little things.

That was the problem and the answer, really: he always noticed the little things. 

Like the way Dan's hair curled different ways every day, the quirky way his mouth would jump when he was excited about something. The way his fingers would sit on the table, the childish way his cheeks would crumple up as he laughed. The way his throat bobbed when he took a deep breath, the faded way his eyes looked in the early morning light. . .

The early morning light. Dan, in his bed. Curled up. Hands resting on the pillow. Hair caught under Phil's outstretched fingers, so close to him now, so close to Dan Howell, so close to the boy he had loved for eight years, so close-

Phil's fingers slipped and trembled and finally, _finally_ touched Dan's cheek. He heard a bleary mumble, heard the shuffle of the duvet as Dan half-sat up. His body was tense and tight and terrified, locked into position now, but it was too late and Dan was looking at him, eyes-

eyes that faded way they always looked in the early morning light-

Phil breathed and breathed and stared at his sweating palms, too scared to look at Dan. "I love you." he whispered quickly, and his heart held on and his breath caught in his throat because this was it, this was his chance-

The silence was shoving its way through his eardrums. Phil looked at Dan, sleepy-eyed Mr Howell, hair curly and breath quiet. He looked at Dan, his Dan, and for a second he wasn't surprised when his answer came.

"Oh."

Then bleak, bleak breaths. Air pulsing in his lungs. Eyes swimming with all the images before him. 

"Oh." Phil said, and felt stupidly, stupidly heartbroken, just for a second. Then his eyes snagged with tears and he looked away, staring at the ground by his feet. After a moment's hesitation, Dan slid out of bed.

"Phil," he said, and his words tumbled out into the gap surrounding the numb man.

"Phil

I didn't want to say this

but I'm  
not gay.

I'm  
not really sure  
what I am

 

at all. And to be honest

with you  
with you  
with you, Phil,

I

 

I'm just so fricking clueless about this

and I

 

and I

 

and I

 

 

I think I should go now."

He left.

Phil cried for quite some time.

He then continued crying for quite some more. Once he was done, he stared at the ceiling. It had an interesting appeal to its blankness, and it stopped all those pictures of Dan flooding in from behind his eyelids, stopped all those tears in his eyes flooding down his red-streaked cheeks.

All he could think was Dan. All he could think was empty.  
All he could see was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> So.
> 
> Poor Phil, poor Dan and poor you. I'm sorry.


End file.
